Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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