When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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