I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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