just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
