Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
