she woke up with a sticky ear
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
