why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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