mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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