Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
