3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
