she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
