I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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