from now on my penis is your penis
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
