in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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