I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
