Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just blew my weed a kiss
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
