just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
