I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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