how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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