Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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