Only a mothe r could love this liver
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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