my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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