I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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