she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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