so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
