Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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