I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
