I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
