I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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