haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
