...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
