She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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