just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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