allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
