woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
