i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
