My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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