brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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