pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
