SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
