She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
