Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
