They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
