She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
