I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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