I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
