until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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