Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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