So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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