It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
