the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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