Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
