You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
