Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
