Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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