Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
