Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
