fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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