You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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