i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
