i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
