I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
