happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
