porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
