His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Shame - the story of my life.
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