I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
