i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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