ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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