hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
