My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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