woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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